Crimes Against (Q)-Manity: The Spitter

The criminal I encountered on the B train this week makes our previous offenders The Pole Leaner and The Toe Stepper seem saintly. This guy, slob of all slobs, got onto the train in Manhattan and immediately made himself at home. He started by laying across the two seater window bench but forgot that he was taller than 3 feet, so he tried out the 3 seater, propping his feet up on the seats nearby as a way of rewarding all of us who love to sit on shoe scum. Watching him squirm around and try to find a comfortable position on the train was like watching Goldilocks test out the different beds. I just kept wishing three big bears would come on this train and eat this guy.

Anyway, you'll be glad to know he finally found a suitable position (pictured) and slept or pretended to sleep like that for quite awhile. When we went over the bridge he woke up long enough to blow his nose and then throw his snotty tissue on the ground. A normal rider might think this rude. But you have to remember, these criminals against (Q)-manity usually aren't bright enough to comprehend that the world doesn't revolve around them and MTA workers aren't giddy with excitement over the chance to pick up their disgusting trash. So now this slob is out a tissue. But as I mentioned just a second ago, he's an idiot. So he failed to plan ahead in the event that more saliva and mucus would be accumulating in his gross nose and mouth. So now this guy is picking his nose (pictured) and flicking his boogers on the seats and floor around him (that he will lie back down on in a few moments). And the icing on the cake came when Slobby McDisgustingson leaned forward and spit all over the floor. Several times. I gotta say, we were expecting throw up, so we were somewhat relieved to just see this. I couldn't help but wonder, though, what strands of DNA could be found in his loogie. Probably traces of meat-packing club-goers, toilet bowl rims, and McDonalds. Lots of McDonalds.

I'm posting extra picks of this week's awful commuter in hopes that some woman out there who is currently dating or may date this jackass will see how he behaves in public when he thinks he's alone. Ladies, reconsider that special date he planned for you at Olive Garden. It's not worth the free breadsticks.