Crimes Against (Q)-Manity: The Shrew on the B

It would sound better if it were the Shrew on the Q, but it wasn't. This woman was a real piece of work. She and her husband, both 35-year-old hipsters, got on at DeKalb Avenue this morning, and she instantly launched into a psychoanalysis of his dad and of him.

"So you're saying your dad is not closed minded and doesn't make snap judgements? He does and so do you," she said.

The husband was trying to defend himself, mumbling and stuffing his free hand in his pocket, but she only got louder. "See, you're like your dad. You make snap judgements and you're a shut-down-and-judge person, but I'm an emotional person." And she kept going on, all through the delay before the bridge, all the way across the bridge, just berating this poor guy and his family but trying to make it look like she was just giving him the facts and that he should agree with her. There was no room for argument with her.

Then, at West 4th St, a seat opened up and a girl who had been on the train since Newkirk Avenue or Kings Highway took it. The nagging woman made a dash for it and when the girl took it, the nagging woman swung madly around the pole towards another open seat that got taken by a girl with a suitcase and a second bag. The DeKalb Ave woman actually stomped her foot because she wanted a seat so much. It was embarrassing to see. The Newkirk/Kings girl asked, "Do you want to sit down?" and actually got up! The awful woman mumbled something and kind of pointed to her brown suede high-heeled boots (as a woman who also likes high-heeled boots, I know to wear sneakers on the commute or just suck it up) and sat down fast. The girl who gave up her seat exchanged glances with me and we rolled our eyes at the woman.

Once the woman was settled into her unfairly-earned seat, she pulled out some papers, which I later found out were tax documents, and asked her husband, in a panicky voice, "Have you scrutinized these?" He said he hadn't and she said, almost at a full pitch whine, "Well I haven't scrutinized them either. I mean, I don't know what this stuff means. We need to sign them. I could call the guy today, but I don't know if I'll have time." She was still going on when I got off at 42nd Street. I made sure to give her a few looks and I almost wanted to tell her husband "good luck with her" but she would probably just make him suffer more if I said that.